Every once in a while I'll get out the Sony boombox (remember those?) I've had since I was 13 or 14, plug it in and sing along as loud as I can, pretending I'm some famous singer giving a concert. Usually as I am jamming to my tunes I'm doing household chores, but my mind is swept away to my teen years when I'd be sitting on the floor in my bedroom, watching myself in the mirror performing my "concert".
I've loved music for as long as I can remember. I don't play an instrument (I wish with all my heart I did, particularly the piano, violin, guitar and flute. In my alternate reality I am proficient in all of those.) or even read music but I love singing. I'm not great, but I do it anyway. Most of my musical tastes run along the Contemporary Christian/Worship genre (sneer if you must). I'd never consider myself a connoisseur when it comes to music. I like what I like and am perfectly happy to detest all forms of country music and pretty much anything that is about booties, womanizing, parties and clubbing, and worse. Maybe it's my goody-two-shoes personality that I never grew out of, but whatever, it's me.
But oh how I love cranking up the stereo and singing along! I don't do it as much now since I don't want to have it too loud and damage my kids' hearing. But when I get to run an errand all by myself, even if it's just grocery shopping, you can bet my radio is on and I'm singing my heart out. I do have the radio on when the kids are in the car it is just not as loud.
Lyrics are powerful. There are so many that can stir up a memory for me, a line that can take me back to a place, even a smell. There are lyrics and music that can give you goosebumps up and down your arms and legs and chill you to the bone, it is that good. And those moments are some of my most favorite of all time, having chills because of a song line that is so profound. Songs that make you laugh and cheer you up, songs that make you cry.
Most of those goosebump songs happen for me when I am singing alone, to an audience of One, praising and worshiping the God of heaven and earth. Beth Moore wrote in "Get Out of That Pit: Straight Talk about God's Deliverance" about how when she is at church and the band begins to play the first notes of one of her absolute favorite worship songs she'll think, They're playing our song, Jesus! That spoke to me so much because that is exactly how I feel!
So today I decided I needed some music playing while I was doing the dishes. I missed music and I wanted to make the time pass. And as I sang, I remembered a time when I was a teenager and my dad walked by my room as I sat on the floor of my bedroom, singing along to a CD. But this time he stopped and stared. With a puzzled look on his face he signed with his hands, "You really enjoy listening to music?" The question caught me off guard. I replied, "Yes, I do. I love it." He kind of shook his head and walked away when it hit me. Daddy doesn't know the beauty and splendor of music. He can't understand it, having never heard it before. Music is something we can't share together.
And today as I sang along with Barlowgirl, those 3 musically talented sisters whom I live vicariously through, the lyrics of the song "Beautiful Ending" that I could listen to a thousand times over played:
Of Hands that painted the stars and hold tears that fall?
And the pride of my heart makes me forget
It's not me but You
Who makes the heart beat
I'm lost without You and
Your dying for me
So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful, so beautiful?
Will my life
Find me by Your side?
Your love is beautiful, so beautiful
At the end of it all
I want to be
In Your arms
The goosebumps hit as I thought of being in the presence of my Heavenly Father, praising and worshiping Him. But a new thought appeared in my head, the thought of the heavens being opened, the angels surrounding the throne of God and my Daddy, who since infancy has never heard a sound, experiencing the splendor and glory of heavenly music that makes the beauty and pleasure of earthly music seem so small and meaningless. The tears flowed down my face and my voice cracked and broke as I tried to keep singing.
All I could think as I sobbed was Thank you, Father! I can't wait!
I'm crying again as I write this, but I just wanted to share what was on my heart and mind. Thank you for reading.
10 comments:
Sunny, thank you for sharing this. You moved me to tears. What an amazing thought, what a unique perspective on heaven. Just amazing... it does give me goosebumps.
My heart is so full tonight for different reasons, and reading this was a perfect way to top it off. We want to hang on to the ones we love so tightly, but when I read this all I could think was "but look at what is waiting for them! How could anyone not want someone they love to have all that?" God is so good, and we have SO much to look forward to.
I'm sort of at a loss for words tonight, but this was perfect and I love it, and I love you.
WOW, what a post! You are beautiful inside and out Sunny! The more I get to know you, the more I love you:) Thanks for sharing!
wow sunny you have me crying over here. Such a beautiful post.
it makes you think about so many things and the way you expressed it makes it all the more special. thank you Sunny for sharing this with us all.
Um I was expecting another load of pictures ... not to cry my eyes out =( That was an amazing post Sunny! I loved that window into your hear and life =)
Awww, what sweet thoughts! You made me cry too! Heaven is going to be so awesome for so many many reasons!
Some days, Christian music is th eonly thing that keeps me going, Sunny!! what a great post; I love your writing!! :)
thanks for the reminder to not take things for granted! I think these same things about my sister....she'll be able to run and talk and tell us what she's thinking! It's hard to even imagine sometimes....
I can't wait!! :)
Cheri, I was thinking about you and your sister as I wrote this. There is SO much to look forward to!
I busted up into tears as well. You really do have a talent to move your audience sister and I love reading what you have to say!
Sunny, this is so beautiful! I'm so glad you shared with us! When we are ALL praising our Father in the SAME way TOGETHER...oh what a day that will be!
And I, too, 99% of the time listen to Christian music. I can't hardly even stand to listen to mainstream music anymore, once I switched to listening to Christian. There are SO many powerful songs that are always uplifting...I just love it!
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